she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
