If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Michael Bay diarrhea
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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