oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
