im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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