i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
