69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
