I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
