This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
