Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
