That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
