If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
