broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
