how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
