It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
