goodnight i made you a song goodbye
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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