fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
