So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
