he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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