if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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