im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
