Already got asked if we're dating
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
