:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
