ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
