end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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