so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Apparently you make a good broom.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I bet he comes in French.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
