the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
