mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
