Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
