I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
