I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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