Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
