meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
