You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
please come you make the beer taste better
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
