Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
