Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
