Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This is my gift to your gina
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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