I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
