my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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