sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
