if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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