I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
