I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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