yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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