walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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