I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize