I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
