May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
