Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
