vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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