First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
