The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you made out with another girl for some wings
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
