I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
