mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I intend to get homeless drunk
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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