Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
